“I feel stuck.”
I feel stuck. I hear it all the time from my clients. It’s why most people seek out coaching. They want to get un-stuck.
Maybe you’ve felt it too. Stuck in a job that’s not right for you, but not knowing what else is out there. Knowing you should network more, but stuck on how to get started. Stuck with bad practice management habits. Stuck in relationships that aren’t working. Stuck not spending enough time with your family. You get the picture.
First, I’d like to normalize it. It’s part of life. It’s pretty much inevitable that everyone encounters it at some point – because we’re human. I’d like to meet one person who hasn’t felt stuck about something. I don’t believe they exist.
Second, I believe many of the same strengths that attract people to law, and make someone a good lawyer, also increase the odds of feeling stuck, and not knowing how to get out from under it. One is a bias toward thinking, rather than action. The other is a bias toward seeing obstacles, rather than opportunity.
Bias Toward Thinking – Not Action
When I do strengths work with lawyers we often discover that one or more of their greatest strengths involve thinking. It probably comes as no surprise that most lawyers are learners, analytical, conceptual, inquiring, and fascinated by ideas, which means they tend to be logical, rational, enjoy intellectual pursuits, and have a desire to continuously improve in these realms. Don’t get me wrong, these are fabulous strengths to have, and often lead people to pursue a successful career in law. Life-long learning is a hallmark of the profession.
However, these same strengths mean lawyers often equate thinking as synonymous with doing. In fact, the process of thinking can be more motivating for some than a concrete outcome. Hence the bias toward thinking, rather than action. But here’s the thing, you can’t think your way out of feeling stuck. If you could, you would have already done it. You can’t think your way to a satisfying career, becoming a better speaker, posting a blog, making a pitch to that client, improved practice management habits, better relationships, or spending more time with your family. Knowing what to do isn’t enough. To get un-stuck you have to do it.
Bias Toward Seeing Obstacles – Not Opportunity
It also rarely comes as a surprise to discover that most lawyers are drawn to dealing with problems. Lawyers love to look for bugs in the system, pinpoint the problems, anticipate obstacles, and focus on all the things that might go wrong. Again, a fabulous strength to have when you’re responsible for advancing the interests of your client by assessing and protecting against risk.
However, these same strengths mean most lawyers are averse to risk by nature and therefore prefer to avoid the unknown. Lawyers see risk everywhere and feel more comfortable with restraint and caution in the face of uncertainty. Hence the bias toward seeing obstacles, rather than opportunity. But here’s the other thing, we literally see what we’re looking for. When you look for risks and obstacles that’s what you see, and you won’t notice opportunities right in front of you. Opportunities arouse exploration, creativity, and excitement, and before you know it you can’t help but take action. By contrast risks and obstacles summon fear and anxiety, and before you know it you’re hit with the paralyzing duo - procrastination and rationalization.
The Paralyzing Duo - Procrastination and Rationalization
We all know what procrastination is, and what it feels like. Procrastination means you put off acting on something you know you should do until tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or some mythical day when it’s the perfect time, or you have enough time to tackle it all at once. You beat yourself up about it, and feel anxious and worried about the consequences you might face because you haven’t done it.
And if your anxiety and worry is strong enough, rationalization might convince you it’s not your fault. Why start if it won’t work anyway? In other words, you think yourself into seeing only the obstacles and you’re stuck.
There’s no way I can do that until…
I’m no good at…
It’s too late to…
I don’t have enough…
If I do, other people will…
It doesn’t matter…
It’s not possible to…
That might work for other people, but it won’t work for me…
What To Do About It - You Choose
To get unstuck you have to choose to stop the cycle. Have you ever bought a certain model of car and suddenly it’s everywhere? If your bias for thinking and seeing obstacles is holding you back, choose to believe opportunities exist. It’s only once you’re faced with possibilities and opportunities, instead of only risks and obstacles, that it becomes conceivable to take a first step, followed by another step, and so on. As you take steps, you gain momentum, and you’re no longer stuck.
Sounds simple. But like most simple things, it’s not easy. Don’t be too hard on yourself if making the shift feels out of reach, and accept that you might need some help to get started. It’s easier to see the limiting beliefs and rationalizations holding others back, and the steps they might take to change their circumstances. It’s a lot harder to see ourselves as clearly. But - I believe the opportunity does exist!